I decided that I won't be writing a whole story on how my day was today and what I was doing. Some of you haven't even been filled in on what has been happening over the past year in my life!
Hmm so where shall I start? What about December 2011? I was on a roll, I had gotten a clear calling and vision from God to speak to the youth in KK... Which I did to the best of my abilities and was greatly encouraged by it. I was fully empowered when I came back, but a short while later, I suddenly found it hard-going. There was so much work to be done, but the labourers were few.
The time for Easter outreach finally arrived, and for some reason or another(I couldn't understand why), my pastor asked me to speak on that night. I was shocked but I prayed about it and felt God's peace and empowerment to take the challenge and trust in Him. By God's grace our team led a few people to Christ that night. We couldn't determine the amount because when I gave the altar call and saw so many hands shoot up, I was so shocked I immediately asked all of them to put it down again. lol. After that, I was OVER THE MOON. God had shown himself faithful! But soon after, even though I did not want to think about it, I began to question whether I would have still led people to Christ if God wasn't there that night. So pride crept in.And just like Elijah, after he had called on fire from God on Mt Horeb and showed Baal a thing or two, I went into a deep depression.
It was only after 2 months that I recovered from my depression. It was through a Kairos Course during June that helped me out of it. The course taught me how to see the Bible from a mission's perspective. How we are all called to be missionaries and to respond to His love. The next few months went well after that course, but I again was discouraged as I began to question how I could be doing a better job in leading the cell. I was pouring EVERYTHING into it. I gave up my soccer games, time with my closest friends, and skyping with parents for this ministry. I began to micro-manage and believe that It was I that held to key to all my cell members destinies. So I did more, prayed less, and hoped that something would change in my life and in theirs.
And obviously it didn't.
Well.. except discouragement and burnout
My dad told me once that it was foolishness to think that anyone besides the Messiah could be responsible for the lives of so many. After much reflection, I was so humbled... and humiliated. How could I have ever thought that I was responsible for all their lives! Who could ever take the place of Christ?
I believe that God has been talking to me over the past year about my pride. In my leadership I have learnt that for me to fully be an effective leader, I need to be the "being" before I can do the "teaching". I wish I could say that it was easy after learning that lesson, but It hasn't. It has been a tough year for me, but I believe God has something more to show me this year. Greater things are yet to come, greater things are still to be done here.
"The Glory of this latter house shall be greater than of the former..." - Haggai 2:9
"The Lord blessed the latter part of Job's life more than the first..." Job 42:12
Agape,
Andrew
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